Elephants On A Plane.

An evil Ivory dealer, played by Samuel L. Jackson, has successfully

smuggled a large number of african elephants into the

overhead compartments of a boeing 747 due for "Stansted airport"tm.

Scene one:A plane

A MAN (Edward Norton) is sleeping next to his wife (Barbra Streisand)

on seat G32-33, he has a packet of peanuts in his right hand.

The wife is also asleep, as are the majority of the passengers,

on this long haul flight to "Stansted airport"tm.

A Trunk appears between the headrests G32-33, and begins nuzzling

the bag of peanuts

Man(half asleep): Honey, I'm trying to get some sleep - you know how

cranky I get when you touch MY peanuts - and I need some rest

for

the big presentation at "Stansted airport"tm - c'mon.

The Trunk continues to nuzzle, becoming more aggressive -

and persuasive

Man(ENRAGED): Godammit honey, i told you already, cut it off.

Man realises his wife's asleep.

Man(confused): But if that's not your hands, then what the

heck is it??

CUE LOUD ELEPHANT NOISE

Man: HOLY SHIT! SONUVVABITCH! STEWARDESS!

A stewardess (Viggo Mortensen) appears

Stewardess: What the?....GET THIS MOTHERFUCKING AFRICAN

ELEPHANT OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!

(screen fades to black - more elephant noises -

passangers scream -

Samuel L. Jackson cusses under his breath,

then proceeds to roar uncontrollably).


End of Scene.

Johnson has a friendly word with his ivory dealer mates, who live approximately

1.2 miles from "Stansted airport" tm - thus making it a quick deal for the crafty

illegal businessman, Johnson

A snapshot from Scene 2 - the elephants form a tight, inpenatrable herd

and begin to cause havoc across the boeing 747.

By Greg Wakeling & Dan Jamieson

Saturday, May 12 2007, 16:19.